The Questions I've Been Asking Myself
(and the "answers" I'm wrestling through)
Sometimes the most sacred thing we can do is not find the answers—but ask the questions that lead us home to ourselves. - Esther Joy Goetz
I’m a thinker. And a soul-searcher.
And when I’m doing something that gives my spirit room to breathe—like working in my garden or driving to run errands—I often find myself flooded with questions.
They usually come wrapped in emotion: tears, frustration, wonder, angst, possibility. Emotions that serve me well when I actually give them space.
These are the questions I turn over in my journal. The ones I bring to sessions with my own Spiritual Director. The ones I toss around in conversations with my people, or simply lay bare in my own talks with God.
They are what guide me back to what I need, what I hope for, where I ache for change or direction. They are the breadcrumbs leading me home—to myself.
For those of you who are newer here, this may give you a glimpse into what stirs my heart, what makes it fret and fight, what causes my soul to sing, and how my body keeps the score.
For those who’ve been around a while, you know the rhythm: I offer these not just as my own ponderings, but as invitations. Maybe they’ll nudge you to jot down your own list of questions. To seek out your own soul. (And as always, if you’re looking for a companion to process them with, you know where to find me—see below.)
So without further ado, here’s what’s been sitting with me lately (gentle note: there is one kind of about politics, but I hope it feels more like a whisper than a shout):
What do I need to tend to in myself right now?
I’m always trying to remember: my own needs are sacred—not selfish. Rest, ritual, and creative space are necessary forms of self-love.
Right now, that looks like holding fast to my 24-hour Sabbath practice: letting go of “getting ahead,” setting down the shoulds, doing puzzles, eating a big vat of buttered and salted popcorn, stepping away from news and social media, and watching silly shows with my husband.
I am tending to the part of me that is very tired—both physically and emotionally.What does my faith look like right now?
I’m in a season of holy curiosity. Like a child coming to God for the first time, full of questions, open to whatever ignites the flame of Love.
I’m not discarding the faith that shaped me, but reimagining it. Reconsidering it. Allowing God to be who God is, without the trappings and boxes I’ve placed around them.
My favorite question right now: Who am I—and how am I being called to show up for Good (with a capital G)?How do I parent my grown kids without fear, but with wisdom?
This is a life-long wrestle. (And one I write about often—if you’re new, I have a whole separate Substack just for parenting teens and young adults.)
For me, it plays out in fits and starts: learning to show up with wisdom rather than fear, resisting the urge to control outcomes, trusting the deep work we’ve already sown together.What does it mean to live led by Love, especially when I’m exhausted?
I want Love to be my guide—in politics, in relationships, in my own internal dialogue—even when I’m bone-weary and just over it.
Sometimes Love means softening. Other times it means drawing firm boundaries. Often it looks like trusting that healing can come in surprising places if I stay open, even when it's hard.How can I hold nuance in a black-and-white world?
My husband often says, “You can’t talk butterfly talk with caterpillar people.”
There’s nothing wrong with being a caterpillar—it’s a necessary season of gathering and growing.
But wisdom often lives in the spaces between absolutes, where faith and doubt can dance together, where different perspectives don't have to be threats, and where unity doesn't mean uniformity.Why does the world keep moving away from compassionate connection and toward fear and force? (this is the political one, kind of)
This is my biggest ache right now. The headlines break my heart.The loud demands to draw lines and pick sides gets my goat.
I don’t want any of this. War. Cruelty. Name-calling. Division. Power. Greed.
I want to scream, “STOP! JUST STOP! WHY? WHY? WHY? PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING!!”
I loathe it. It eats away at me on many days.And yet, underneath it all, I see the quieter movements of Love—refusing to bully and be bullied, refusing to other, blame and shame, refusing to give up.
I see it in my friend Josiah at City Relief, serving the unhoused.
I see it in my husband, walking alongside others on what’s called an Eldering Journey, listening for his soul's call in later life.
I see it in you, too, especially those I get to sit with one-on-one in my practice—in your stories of healing and becoming.
And each time I witness it, my own little light flickers a little brighter.
What are my next steps on this Spiritual Director/Author journey, this place of Soul Care that does make my heart sing?
Right now, spring is full: caring for my granddaughter a few days a week, traveling to visit my far-away kids, dipping my toes back into continuing education at my beloved Haden Institute, and carving out spaces of rest.
So my next steps are forming quietly, patiently, like seeds underground:I’ve written six chapters of a new book called What If I Already Know? (about the shift from external to internal authority), and it's bursting out of my soul like fireworks on the Fourth of July. Stay tuned!
I’m dreaming of offering group soul work—creating spaces where companions can gather as fellow learners and teachers, offering each other what the Irish call "Anam Cara," a soul friendship that transforms. (Also stay tuned!)
Seven questions.
Seven invitations to sit still, breathe deep, and listen inside.
Maybe you’ll pick one to ponder in the days ahead.
Maybe you’ll jot down a few of your own.
Maybe, just maybe, you’ll remember that asking beautiful, brave questions is a spiritual practice too.
From my heart to yours,
Esther
Reflection Questions:
Okay, here’s the part where you get to write down a question that keeps coming up in your soul.
(would love for you to share something with our community by leaving a comment and I will respond with lots of cheering and wondering)
I am committed to being a compassionate companion on your journey to care for your soul, offering a supportive and non-judgmental space for reflection, contemplation, and exploration.
Whether you're seeking clarity in times of uncertainty, navigating life transitions, or simply desiring a deeper connection with your soul, I am dedicated to walk alongside you.
Your sacred path awaits.
If you need to know more before booking your free consultation, check out all the information about what it is and why it might be just the right fit for you HERE!
What does love, grief, healing, and letting go look like when it comes to a marriage that is dying? When you still love your spouse but attempts at communication and repair and being vulnerable have been met with somehow you being labeled the narcissist. And when the narrative you whole life has been your not enough, your forgettable, you dont matter, you are easily abandoned and rejected this just reinforces that. It is ironic when you are the one in therapy. The one willing to lay it out. The one willing to ask what it's like to be on the other side of a relationship with me. I, too a fault, accept culpability in the problems of this relationship and for my own actions and royal fuck ups that I now recognize as trauma responses-doesnt excuse them- but still this is not enough. The intersection of all of this is profound grief for myself and over my kids. This is not where I thought I'd be. The political environment certainly has not helped and now I'm navigating a faith wilderness and life wilderness together...
“But wisdom often lives in the spaces between absolutes, where faith and doubt can dance together, where different perspectives don't have to be threats, and where unity doesn't mean uniformity.” Yes, this!! Especially honed in these days on unity not being the same as uniformity.
Thanks for sharing these questions, Esther. One question I’ve been asking myself esp in relationship conflicts is from Byron Katie’s “the work”: How am I fighting Reality? Am i trying to argue with “what is”? I find it serves me powerfully.